I'm not used to how things are.
People around me -left and right- they just never gave me a chance.
Do you know how it feels to know you're good at something and people just blatantly ignore that fact?
Do you know how it feels when they overlook your capability even though you have proof of what you can do?
The only time they ever look in your direction is when you were the last choice they had.
You see, I've been sitting quietly in this new school of mine, thinking that everything was great.
I've enjoyed things as they were... until sports came along.
Anyone who knows me well would know that I love sports.
I love playing a good game of basketball or a fun match of netball.
I was happy when my school asked me to participate in MSSD.
I loved the feeling I got when I proved my worth and brought home medals.
When I shifted to this school, I thought:
It's okay, all I needed was to find people to play the games with, I'm sure it wouldn't be hard. I mean, there's so many people here!
Wrong.
The first blow was when I tried joining the school netball sports club.
I submitted my name in early just in case the club didn't have any space for new members later on.
Within the next few days, the paper I had submitted my name on was returned to me.
I was rejected. Why?
I looked for the teacher in charge to get an answer.
Do you want to know what her stupid answer was? An answer that infuriated me so much that I felt my hands instinctively curl into fists.
"I don't accept new students."
WHAT?!
Just because she was in charge of the netball "club" mind you, not "team", she had the gall of straight out denying my entreaty.
I was so fed up with being modest and begging for her to let me into the club that I just told her bluntly that I was an MSSD(School District) player.
And what was her disgusting reaction?
She stared at me and just repeated what she said before.
I ask you, what in the hell is wrong with her?
You know, I wouldn't have minded trying out if it were possible but no, she gave me no chance at all because after all, "she didn't accept new students".
I gave up and just decided to join tennis.
It was a sport I used to be interested in anyway.
So, the winds of my fury died down a little.
Of course, I was still mad at how unfairly these things at school were being handled.
SECOND blow came when the Interhouse School Games arrived.
By games I mean netball, basketball, volleyball, football, chess and the like.
After how things ended up the first time, I inwardly hoped that things were going to be dealt with fairly.
Wrong again.
The house captains and committee members were running amok, looking for players for every sports team.
As the new rule stood, it was one person, one game or team is disqualified.
So it is to be assumed that practically everyone in the whole school would get a chance right?
Huh, yeah right.
At first, I was already put into the netball team for my house in the under-18 category.
I was all pumped up and ready for a match I haven't had in months.
Then, news came that they were merging all the categories for netball into one.
Meaning each of the 10 chosen for Under-13, Under-15 and Under-18 were going to play as one single team.
From 30 people, they had to cut down to 10.
Well, no surprises, I was cut.
Funny thing is, they didn't give us a chance for tryouts. Heh.
The netball team captain just picked her friends and got it over with even after someone told her I was an MSSD player(this point doesn't seem to carry much merit around huh?).
The captain gave me some kinda bitch stare(the kind that goes from head to toe) and completely ignored me and the person who told her.
Oh bless the equalities to be found in school=.=
Obviously, I was disheartened fuckingpissedtobemoreprecise.
So I sat. I sat and waited it out.
Everybody was running here and there, looking for players.
And it hit me...
Tell me... when you see a fat person and a slim person, who would you think is more athletic?
Who would you think more capable of running faster and jumping higher?
Of course the slim person!
Unless you're some kinda weirdo who thinks in opposites, everyone would pick the slim person.
And that was the case here.
As bare and insensitive as can be.
Just because I didn't look the part, I couldn't play the part.
(For those of you who don't know or are too lazy to look at previous pictures, I'm someone who's on the heavier side of the weighing scale. Y'know, just to clear things up.)
Hey, I wasn't going to abuse my self-esteem any more than I had to because it was further proven by my super slim bestfriend -who isn't much of a sports freak- being bombarded by the shameless begging of her house's committee members to join a certain sport or other.
I felt useless.
I felt dejected.
I felt so unjustified.
How could they be so presumptuous?
I don't know...
Then came along the third strike:
The Interhouse field events(long jump, high jump, shot putt, javelin etc).
This time round, I had pretty much given up hope.
All I did was sit in class and listen to the droning teachers.
Time passed as more house committee members ran hither and thither, once again looking for team players.
And what a surprise, somebody actually came up to me.
She asked whether I could(not wanted) join tug-of-war.
Well, the reasons were obvious weren't they?
I gave her the most nonchalant "maybe" that I could muster.
She then proceeded with a continuous line of pleading before I said "I'll try".
Hmph. The nerve of these people!
Of course I had no mind in not joining.
Tug-of-war was something I had fun with in my previous school.
Then the day of the competition arrived.
It was after school and everyone was congregating on our school field, some running to and fro to find their missing team members, others doing the rest of the field events.
I saw some people throwing shot putts in one corner so I just headed on over to see what they were up to.
Tug-of-war was going to be the last event so I had to find some time to kill.
Shot putt.
Each house could only take a maximum of two players.
The thing was, one of the participants for yellow house(my house) was missing, so, I asked the remaining yellow house participant whether I could be a replacement, the opportunity would go to waste otherwise.
And so she helped by asking the teacher to sub me in.
Huh, what was I really expecting anyway?
The teacher ignored her.
Multiple times my friend repeated her question, and multiple times she was ignored.
Y'know, I would have been fine with it had I not seen that she was acting out on favouritism.
Another house wanted to change their participants and oh yes, she gave them a chance.
She was obviously one of the teachers in charge for that particular house.
How openly "house-ist"(new word brother came up with) can a person get!? And she's a frigging teacher.
As for tug-of-war, I wasted my day waiting for the event.
They didn't have enough time so they had to postpone it.
Needless to say, I got home bitter and just mentally exhausted.
Within the next few days, a house committee member came and told me the replacement time for tug-of-war.
I ignored it and avoided going.
Sigh.
Am I the one that's at the wrong?
Is my perception of what things are really supposed be like misguided?
I don't know.
Sometimes I wonder how the students learn etiquette and moral values when the teachers themselves are examples of outright discourtesy and bias(not all but most)?
It's unfair.
That's all I can say.
Doesn't matter now how much I complain or point these things out.
Nothing'll change, so I'll just have to live with it till I graduate.
The little life lessons...
Lotsaluv,
Tisha
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